Misty view around the dinner table

[Ed Harrow]

The view around the dinner table was far from clear tonight when we had to tell our current foster child that we were going to have to pass her on to another family… In all the years we’ve done foster care the one thing we’d refused to do was to pass a child along to anyone but to those with whom the child would be staying permanently, either birth parents (in all but one case) or adoptive (the one).

With our current charge we told DSS that we could only take her through the summer, and they were cautiously optimistic that her parents would get their act together by then. Instead they (the parents) have utterly failed their kids (4), and the one we took in especially. I’ve never before felt the utterly rotten feelings I felt tonight. In passing her along I feel like we’ve failed her. I don’t think I’ve ever seen such heart break. :(

[whb]

you're good people.

I wish you and the child comfort.

Howard

[mmd]

Tough row to hoe, Ed. I hope it all comes out fine in the end. If good wishes and sympathy carry any weight in this world, mine are there with you helping to shoulder the load.

[Wild Dingo]

yep mate what Michael just said... after seein that wee little fella you last had in your care you do absoflaminlute brilliant things with these kids... sad but sometimes mate the hard decisions no matter what have to be made... you havent failed anyone mate!! the bloody parents did! you and your wonderful missus do the best you can good on you both!!

Hopefully the next move will be her last and she will find a family as equally loving as you and your wife.

[Mr. Know It All]

It's not an easy job Ed but, of course you know that. For what it's worth, I think you and your wife are wonderful people for trying to make a difference.
Peace----> Kevin in Ohio

[cs]

Ed, what you and your wife does is probably one of the most noble things in the world. You have provided a home for these kids that is full of love. Sometimes you have to make those tough choices, but just know in your heart that you have failed no one. Keep up the good work.

Chad

[Wayne Jeffers]

:(

Sorry to hear it, Ed.

You shouldn't feel like you've failed her. Sometimes there are things which are beyond your control, and all you can ask of yourself is that you've done your best. I have full faith that you and Sheryl have done your best.

The two of you have done more good for more children than most of us can even imagine. I regret that I lack your courage to save the world one child at a time.

If this one didn't turn out as well as you had hoped, it's okay to feel disappointment. But you shouldn't feel failure. Your success with these children is enviable by any reasonable measure.

Best,
Wayne

[abe]

Ed, A story like your serves to remind us as parents to try a little harder.

You and Sheryl have not failed anyone. You stepped in at important juncture and I am sure the child will one day remember her stay with you as a cheerful period. It is the the birth parents who have failed, but who knows, maybe the situation will improve in time.

abe

[Scott Rosen]

I have a feeling you have given the child enough love to make a positive difference in her life. You can give a lot of love in a short period of time.

People who do the good things you do shouldn't have to burden themselves with guilt just because they don't live up to their own very high expectations of themselves.

[Alan D. Hyde]

A few days ago, I finished re-reading a good little book I'd read as a boy, which I came across in a used bookstore and bought for our youngest daughter (who also liked it well, by the way).

It is Lee of Virginia by Douglas Southall Freeman.

Imagine having ordered Pickett's charge, for example, only to see it fail bloodily as many men you had known since childhood went to their deaths at your own perhaps flawed command?

Lee's faith was strong, and it was always his attempt to fully do his duty to the best of his ability, after which the event was in the hands of God.

You and Sheryl have done your duty, Ed. What follows now is not within your power to control. As did Lee, once you have done your best, you must leave matters in the hands of Providence.

Alan

[htom]

Ouch. This is not a failure on your part, in any way, but our saying that probably won't make you feel any better. My prayers and best wishes for her and you -- you both deserve much better than you're getting.

[Rich VanValkenburg]

You have a big heart, Ed. All you can ever do is to do your best, and try and pass it along. God bless you.

Rich

[Ed Harrow]

Thanks folks - I guess I just needed a little hand holding.

Things are looking better here, and she seems quite enamored of her new foster family. There's a swimming pool right up the street, there will be a kid in the house her age, and others close too, and a tree fort will be under construction next week.

I should pay more attention to the quote at the bottom. ;)

[Captain Pre-Capsize]

Ed:

There is more heartfelt and genuine compassion in this thread than any other I recall. The reason? You are performing acts of service all these years that the rest of us don't have the guts to do. You are a blessing to those children that have come into your life. They will be forever changed because of your selfless devotion.

Importantly you have chosen to serve others rather than yourself. How easy it is to get caught up in "important" things like how to get the epoxy that was improperly measured, to cure.

All these things we have in this life are just so many things. It is in relationships where you can make an everlasting difference. You are in the arena and we are up here in the stands as spectators. Keep up the good fight!!!

Bear in mind too that God's will is a very fuzzy thing to discern. It may well be that He has a different idea of where that child should be for now. Naturally it makes no sense at all today but in time it may.

[paladin]

Ed...for what it's worth...I know firsthand how you feel. My situation was a bit different but along the same lines. I have two children, a boy and a girl.....but I "acquired" a pair of boys, brothers...half American, in the Philippines. Father left the country, mother couldn't support them or didn't want to and had moved in with another G.I. ...old story.....then I "acquired a half American/Japanese boy when I signed for his mother at the hospital...she went into child birth and the hosp. wouldn't take her because she had no money....boyfriend left...she was abandoning the child to be "stillborn" as the doctor put on the certificate after they poison the kid......and a pair of Half Vietnamese/American kids and one full blooded Vietnamese boy.....I brought them home by swearing that they were my Illegitimate kids.
All are great....all finished college but one and I wouldn't trade them for the world. If I could have got a few more I guess I would have. I still get stuff to an orphanage over there and help find homes through my brothers church congregation.....now I gots grandkids but I can send them home when I go sailing....now the little critters wanna go too......Sweet thing has a grown son and we gots 12 year old Kirill.....I think I'll quite....

[ 08-16-2003, 01:02 AM: Message edited by: paladin ]